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Dewey’S Read-a-thon

Today I am again doing the Dewey Read-a-thon, however unlike the last few years I am not going to try for all 24 hours. I have missed the first four getting sleep, and as soon as my coffee hit my brain I am going to go to work on Math Geek. Coffee here I come.

It is just short of noon, and I have finished my first book Math Geek by Rapheal Rosen. Not a bad book, I do with that for some of the topics that he wrote about that there had been illustrations it would have been much better. There were times that I had to stop and Google what he was talking about. For me it was not the math that I found interesting but the length of time that we have been using things, and the history behind it.

My next book is going to be Press Start to Play a book of short stories about gaming.

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The Boys in The Boat


The Boys in The Boat by Daniel James Brown was not a book that I wanted to read. It was chosen for a book club that I belong to. I have never had any interest in rowing and I knew nothing about it. This book made me laugh, cry and it taught me a lot.

Having lived in Washington many of the names were familiar to me but I did not know why or what they had done to be some well known. This book was amazing. I knew the outcome I knew some of how it was going to end. I did not know about the people just the race.  The last few chapters of the book where the last race was had me on the edge of my seat. The hard thing was I just reached this part of the book when Doctor Who started. I read it through the commercials, and I kept thinking why now, why this timing.

If you read this book, I will tell you the part that made me cry the most. I will not mention spoilers just watch out for the $5,000. That just makes me proud, and still tear up when I think about it. This is by far the best book that I have read this year. If you have the opportunity to read it I recommend it.

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Under Wildwood


Under Wildwood by Colin Meloy

Colin Meloy is a member of The Decemberests one of my favorite bands. When I found out that he was writing books I had to read them. The first book Wildwood was not a disappointment. I loved the idea of it and that I have been to the places that he writes about.

Under Wildwood is the second in the trilogy. This time it takes place under the park, it is a bit darker and has a few more new characters that I happed to like. I know publishing companies are pushing for trilogies and in some cases that is a bad thing and in other a good one. In the case of Under Wildwood it is neutral. This is a set up book for the third installment and that is ok. The third book is out and next year I will read it.

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Close to Spider Man


Close to Spider Man by Ivan E. Coyote was a TBR book for this year. I read it a few months ago and as my former post indicates I was not up to writing for a while.

I have never read anything that Ivan E. Coyote wrote that I did not like. This book has been on my list to read for a while now and it did not disappoint. There is something about each story that I can relate to in some way. A kid getting into trouble, that first kiss, discovering who you are and everything in between. Coyote’s work always amazes me, there is a way that it is written that touches on my heart.

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Long Time Gone, A Confession

I have not written anything in a long time, and today I am going send up three posts.

I was a long time gone, not because I wanted to be but because I had not choice. Starting in January I enter a stage of depression that I could not fight off. Most of the time I can make it go away. I know that it is hard for people to understand that I can fight off it off. It might not even be a depression, it could just be an “I feel sorry for me” thing, but I know it is not. There are the aches, the not wanting to get out bed, this over whelming feeling of dread and pain.

In January it became uncontrollable. For three months I was suicidal, if it were not for the people who loved me I would not have made it of that I am sure. My depression is chemical my brain decides that it needs a break and messes up my chemistry so that I shut down. With the help of medication and a therapist I have left that darkness behind.

In the past month I have changed my life in many ways, but am still working on some things. I have moved to CA to be with the one that I love. I have started sleeping better, eating habits are changing ( I still love bread), I am looking for work. I would love to get out of the medical field. I have just done it for so long, that I have nightmares when I think about working in that career again.

I have found a job that I would like to apply for I need to work on a cover letter for that company. I have never been very good at writing cover letters. I am not good at selling myself, I have never been good at selling things.

Now on to some fun things. I have gone back to photography, and I love it. I have one picture that my Love wants to blow up and hang on the wall. I have also been playing with editing and am getting good at it. Not good enough to take out a fence yet but I can manage the colors.

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I Hunt Killers

7766027I Hunt Killers by Barry Lyga was a very interesting book. It is about a boy who’s father is one of the most notorious serial killers in US history.  We are told though flashbacks on how Jazz was raised, and how he uses that to hunt down a killer. Of course being 17 no one believes him until it is to late.  What I liked about this book the most was the psychological take on nature vs. nurture. This book is part of a series as are most books that are coming out now. I have not decided if I want to continue on with them or not.

I would like to know what happens to Jazz as he goes on with his life, but I do not know if I want to take time away from other books that I am reading to find out.


My Struggle with Me

There Might be TRIGGERS in here.

They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I say that it is paved with seemingly innocent things that friends do to you that fuck up your head. At the beginning of this year I decided to blog about every book I read, post pictures that I took on my walks, and then just add whatever I felt should go up here. Then February rolled around and in the course of 20 seconds I went from being me to not being me.

That is a little hard to explain, but I will try. Before February I was only afraid of two things and both have the potential to harm or kill me. One is bees the other is deceleration trauma. After that fateful day in February I became afraid of just about everything. My shadow, driving, shopping, people, work and the list can go on and on. I do not think that I every had full on panic attacks, but I do know that I went from sleeping 5 hours a day to at the most two. I also lost 20 pounds. These are the little things.

On the list of things that I have lost my little items list and my big items list do not begin to compare. The big things that I lost are the ones that hurt. I lost my trust in someone who was to have been my best friend, I lost my confidence, I lost my joy, I lost my safety, and I lost the ability to build the walls that I need to have to be able to do my job.

There is also a list of things that I came close to losing. I almost lost Blue, I almost lost my best friend, and I almost lost my will to live. All from something that someone though of as innocent and fun. Maybe, if I did not have my job I would have seen it that way as well, but I have a job where before I set foot in the building I have to acknowledge that there is the potential for assault and abuse. I expect it at work, it is a reality of anyone who has hands on work with patients. I do not expect it from people who I thought were my trusted best friends.

The good news is that just after a few visits with a therapist I am getting better. I feel a bit more confident, a bit safer. I know that I have more work to do, and that it will be hard but I also know that I can and will do it.