Long Time Gone, A Confession

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I have not written anything in a long time, and today I am going send up three posts.

I was a long time gone, not because I wanted to be but because I had not choice. Starting in January I enter a stage of depression that I could not fight off. Most of the time I can make it go away. I know that it is hard for people to understand that I can fight off it off. It might not even be a depression, it could just be an “I feel sorry for me” thing, but I know it is not. There are the aches, the not wanting to get out bed, this over whelming feeling of dread and pain.

In January it became uncontrollable. For three months I was suicidal, if it were not for the people who loved me I would not have made it of that I am sure. My depression is chemical my brain decides that it needs a break and messes up my chemistry so that I shut down. With the help of medication and a therapist I have left that darkness behind.

In the past month I have changed my life in many ways, but am still working on some things. I have moved to CA to be with the one that I love. I have started sleeping better, eating habits are changing ( I still love bread), I am looking for work. I would love to get out of the medical field. I have just done it for so long, that I have nightmares when I think about working in that career again.

I have found a job that I would like to apply for I need to work on a cover letter for that company. I have never been very good at writing cover letters. I am not good at selling myself, I have never been good at selling things.

Now on to some fun things. I have gone back to photography, and I love it. I have one picture that my Love wants to blow up and hang on the wall. I have also been playing with editing and am getting good at it. Not good enough to take out a fence yet but I can manage the colors.


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